To Sacrifice
After a day devoted to cleaning the house and tutoring my sisters, I adjust the pillows, snuggle under the blankets and, as the movie credits roll across my computer screen, begin to relax. The setting sun outside my window sends a warm glow into the room, and the sweet smell of the maple sugar candle flickering on the desk surrounds me, settling me into this place and time to myself.
The opening credits end, and a handsome man makes his way onto the screen. He opens his mouth and says—“Knock, knock, knock.”
Startled, I hit pause. “Knock, knock, knock.” My bedroom door cracks open, and my 9-year-old brother Jonathan pokes his head inside.
“Yes?” I ask.
He glances at the frozen face on my computer and takes in my comfortable bundle of blankets. Then his big, brown eyes meet mine.
“Victoria, can you come play with me?”
I’d like to say that my answer was yes, but I’m selfish and tend to think that time is something I can own. I told him no because I didn’t want to give up any of my time.
The truth is, every second is a gift from God, and so are little brothers and sisters (although sometimes it may not feel that way). It’s my job as Jonathan’s older sister to sacrifice a small part of my day to play “Sorry” with him for the third time in a row, or let him crawl in bed with me to watch a movie on Friday night. And when I do this without thinking of it as my time, when I realize I am strengthening the bond with my brother, it’s not a sacrifice at all. It’s a blessing.
To Encourage
I’m curled up on the couch as I turn the page in my book. I only have two chapters left, and my eyes eagerly read each word. Suddenly, a brightly colored, furry head looms over me, and I stare into two unblinking eyes. Abigail’s muffled voice comes from somewhere inside the massive dog head.
“What do you think?” she asks.
I hesitate because, honestly, I am unnerved. Knowing that I’m talking to my sister, but being unable to see that it is her in the costume leaves a strange feeling in my stomach.
Then she lifts the head, and her 17-year-old face appears. I breathe a sigh of relief. Her brown hair sticks up in all directions, and her dark eyes shine bright with the same excitement I had seen during another special moment.
That summer, we had gone to visit our grandma at the nursing home. The twins, Abigail and Elizabeth, and Jonathan wanted to dress in the animal costumes Abigail had made. The joy and laughter of all those elders was contagious. Seeing the positive impact my siblings made at the nursing home made me happy and proud, not unnerved.
So, instead of telling her to leave me alone, I smile and tell her what a fantastic job she has done. This is her hobby, her passion, and I am her supporter.
Because I’ve always been in the position of the oldest child, I sometimes forget the influence my response can have on my siblings. God has placed me as an older sibling in such a unique position because my siblings naturally look up to me. I have daily opportunities to direct my brother and sisters. I can say a kind word instead of a tease. Encouragement is so important. It’s not hard. Just one sentence, one breath is enough to show them that they matter.
To Be Patient
“No, Elizabeth, that’s still not right,” I sigh, looking once again at how she has diagrammed some of her sentences.
Elizabeth huffs with frustration and snatches her paper and pen from me. Then she tosses them onto the empty space on the couch beside her, pushes the curly brown wisps of hair out of her eyes and crosses her arms.
“I’ve shown you how to do it twice,” I say, my voice growing louder with each word. “Have you even been paying attention?”
“Yes,” she mumbles and directs her glare at me.
“Well, try again and quit pouting. Seventeen-year-olds like you don’t pout.”
Sometimes, I don’t exercise enough patience with my siblings, and I set a bad example for them to follow. My words to Elizabeth when she needed help were tainted by my frustration of being unable to make her understand. So, when I tried to teach her again, she responded with the same frustration and harshness I had shown her.
If I want them to be patient with me and others, I first need to be patient with them. I need to stay conscious of what I’m giving my siblings to echo.
To Love and Learn
My siblings get on my nerves. Abigail gets too excited sometimes. Her voice becomes steadily louder, and then she may start interrupting people. Elizabeth can say the most random things in the middle of my conversations with someone. And Jonathan tends to nag me about playing with him.
Despite these things, I love my siblings because what gets on my nerves is just a part of their personality. And if I look past what annoys me, I am inspired.
Abigail is not afraid to speak her mind, especially when she is passionate about something. Her excitement is contagious and her bubbly mood can brighten the day. Elizabeth’s random comments are evidence of her creativity and fearlessness of other peoples’ opinions. She always uses her imagination to see the world in a colorful and fun way. Jonathan is comfortable around people. He can make friends with anyone by simply talking with them or playing a game.
So, although I am constantly setting examples for my siblings, I am also learning from their examples. I have a reserved and quiet personality, and being near my outgoing siblings encourages me to take that first step out of my comfort zone.
To Recognize Their Character
The smile from moments ago lingers on my lips as Abigail and Elizabeth help me load the groceries into the car. We were checking out, and the cashier asked if we were triplets. This has happened so many times my response is merely reflex. I’ll smile, say no, then point to my sisters and identify them as twins. People also comment on how much Jonathan and I look alike. A few times, people even mistook him for my son, but thankfully that hasn’t happened in a while. Another time I showed a picture of all of us to one of my friends, and she told me we were a family of clones.
The point is, I look like my siblings. We have different personalities, but the physical characteristics we share amplify the character we share. As they get older, I can see more clearly their kindness and love for each other and others. The twins will gladly spend time playing with Jonathan, or the younger kids in their 4-H club and on the swim team. They are all quick to praise and compliment instead of demean. They value friendship with each other and others and know what it takes to be a good friend.
Then I see these things in them, I am happy beyond words. As I watch them grow in these values, it makes me think I just might be doing my job right.
To Be a Friend
The soft and happy sound of classical Christmas music mingles with the deep laughter of my dad as he listens to his two older sisters tell their versions of what happened on a Christmas Eve so many years ago. I curl up on Grandma’s burgundy couch with a plate of gingersnap cookies and listen as the stories go further and further back in time. I smile and realize I am looking at a beautiful picture of friendship.
But, having siblings is not like having instant friends. Friendship within a family takes just as much effort as friendship outside of a family. Just because Abigail, Elizabeth and Jonathan are my siblings does not mean that I don’t have to work as hard at maintaining a friendship with them—and I didn’t always work hard enough.
My sisters and I had to go through many fights before we became friends. The fights started as simply refusing to share toys, but as we grew, the fights grew into harsh words with raised voices. I was one of the reasons for this conflict. I had convinced myself that I didn’t need or want to spend as much time with my sisters as I used to. I guess I had the mentality that older siblings weren’t supposed to hang out with their younger siblings. After all, I had friends my own age. But if I wanted to have anything resembling what I see in my dad and his sisters every Christmas, if I wanted to stay close with them as we got older, I had to stop excluding them from everything I did. Thankfully, God changed my perspective and my heart, and now we all look forward to the times we get to spend with each other.
My dad and his siblings grew up in a time when it was easier to share experiences. There weren’t distractions like social media, video games or Netflix. We are growing up in a time when it is easy, even normal, to become isolated from one another by immersing ourselves in worlds defined by tweets, likes and virtual realities.
But these distractions don’t have to separate us. I think that social media will be a great way to stay connected with my siblings if we move long distances from each other. I just can’t let that replace taking the time and making the effort to see them in person.
Video games and movies are also ways to spend time together. I love playing Nancy Drew mystery-solving computer games with all three of my siblings. They help me solve multiple puzzles in half the time it would have taken me by myself. We also share many laughs when we all jump because the man in the portrait blinked.
Watching movies with my siblings is always a fun and memorable time. Sometimes, we get so tickled by a scene that we have to rewind it over and over again. We’ve even made a game out of quoting movie scenes to each other. Other times, a creepy creature from R.L. Stine’s “The Haunting Hour” will jump out from where it was hiding and scare us so much that we scream, and the twins leap off the couch and climb onto the loveseat with me. Then we laugh because all the commotion concerned our dog Buddy so much that he started to bark.
It may be easy to do all this by myself, but that doesn’t mean I have to. And with these memories I have, why would I want to? They will last a lifetime.
By Victoria Anderson, Student Writer
