The axe flew just past my knees, missing me by maybe half a foot. My half-witted “helper” stood there in silence, empty handed and dumbfounded, most likely formulating his last words as my face went from malnourished-European-white to fireman’s-axe-red.
We had been cutting down a tree that couldn’t have been bigger around than my leg as part of a science project for a college class I took back in Texarkana, and although I had insisted that I didn’t need any help and even chopped halfway through the thing in less than a minute, this guy just had to take a swing at it so he could feel like a man. So, ignoring all my instructions on how to swing an axe, he shouldered the thing like a five-year-old girl at a tee-ball game, made some kind of awkward twisting motion that gave me a hernia just from watching it and then tossed the axe behind him as he missed the tree completely, swung his own feet out from under his body and let go of the handle.
Don’t be that guy. I know in our world of computers and 24-hour pancake houses that it seems there’s no need for the average Ouachitonian to awaken his or her inner lumberjack. But there is. If for no other reason than not being softer than a week-old kitten doused in Cool Whip and rolled in cherub feathers, anybody within walking distance of a tree stump needs to know how to swing an axe, or any two-handed tool for that matter.
Light tools, like crow bars, are simple. Grab it like a baseball bat and take out your frustrations from that last level of “Candy Crush” on whatever it is that needs some hurtin’. Heavy, unbalanced tools like sledgehammers, axes and pickaxes are where the technique comes in.
Put your dominant hand just under the axehead and grab toward the bottom of the handle with your off hand. Now revel in your newfound power. The first thing you should notice is that your rotator cuffs aren’t cursing at you under their breath. This resting position is infinitely easier on your shoulders than holding it with both hands at the bottom of the handle and lets you more easily bear the weight of the axe while you aren’t swinging it.
Now, after acquiring your target and lining up your shot, lift the axe overhead (or back and to the side, depending on whether you’re making a vertical or a horizontal swing) and swing it down onto your target, sliding your dominant hand down the handle until it meets your off hand at the bottom.
All that’s left to do is follow through with your swing for maximum tree felling/door opening/zombie chopping power.
This is what people mean when they say “let the axe do the work.”
Rather than having to strain against the weight of the axe to swing it like a sword, you’re swinging with the weight. You’re essentially throwing the axe head at whatever you’re hitting and giving it a little boost once it gets going.
I don’t chop wood every day by any means. I did have my two-handed up to level 100 in “Skyrim” if that counts for anything, but axe swinging isn’t exactly a skill I get to break out on a regular basis. Somebody showed me how to chop down a tree and I tucked that knowledge away in the ol’ brain vault for future reference. That’s exactly what you should do with it. You never know, a flannel-clad babe may catch your eye some fateful day and insist that only the winner of the annual lumberjack games has what it takes to win her heart. You’ve got to be prepared for anything.
