Do football terms confuse you like they confuse us? Lucky for you, we’ve compiled a glossary of football words so you won’t spend one more Saturday afternoon not knowing what the announcers are talking about:
Center. The most popular person on the team.
Chain Crew. Gangsters whose chains hang low.
Chop Block. …and drop it!
Draft. An alternative to bottled.
Draw. When your accent’s really thick.
Facemask. Like a mud mask facial.
Fair Catch. A guy without a girlfriend.
Flare. What I add to my shirts when I want them to sparkle.
Flea Flicker. A substitute for a curse word. (“He’s such a flea flicker! Ew!”)
First Down. Whoever is the sleepiest.
Hail Mary. Bad theology.
Hashmark. Kind of like a hashtag.
Neutral Zone. The friend zone.
Pass Interference. For example, when Noah Hutchinson tries to make a pass at a woman and Sam Cushman interferes.
P.A.T. When you make sure nobody has a knife/gun.
Pick. What you put in your hair if you have an afro.
Post. When you put stuff on Twitter.
Pylon. Going crazy at TCBY.
Red Zone. Where the EEEs sit.
Return. What happens when you don’t try clothes on before you buy them.
Route. The biggest drink you can get at Sonic.
Running Back. When you forget your backpack and have to run back to your room.
Sack. Kind of like a bag, but less formal.
Safety. The campus police whose office is in Evans Student Center.
Scout. Those girls who sell cookies.
Shoulder Pads. A gross 80s fashion trend.
Sweep. What the maid does.
Tampa Two. When you have to potty in Florida.
Triple Threat Man. People like Tyler Davis, Will Richey and Caleb Conrad.
Touchback. Oh, that’s inappropriate.
Turnover. A flaky pastry.
Tuck Rule. A uniform rule at private schools.
Twelfth Man. Judas Iscariot.
Two-Minute Warning. What my mom says when I’m using all the hot water.
Two-Point Conversion. When you’re witnessing to one hot guy and another one is listening.
Two-a-Days. Vitamins, like One-a-Day men’s vitamins, but twice as good.
Photo by Dr. Wesley Kluck.
This is such a good article! So funny. The writers are so good and hot too!