Oh, dating. The infamous topic of many college sermons and the one subject that somehow always slides its way into every conversation one way or another. Lets be honest, dating can be one of the biggest stressors in college life, whether it be from an existing relationship, one that has ended or just the hope that one will happen at some point—preferably before you reach a ripe old age.
While the stress of dating relationships is fairly certain no matter how you approach it, there seems to be two different views among college students. While some see dating as something fun and recreational, others see it as a serious decision to be entered into with the utmost care.
But what is the difference between casual dating and dating for a serious relationship? Can both be healthy and beneficial, and should there be an expectation for a real relationship after a couple of casual dates?
“It’s casual.” We’ve all heard the phrase used at some point—whether from our own mouths or the mouths of others. “Casual dating” is a term that could be defined in many different ways and will usually vary based on the person you talk to. For arguments sake, I will offer a broad definition that casual dating simply means going on dates with the objective of getting to know a person better, without necessarily expecting that it will lead to a serious relationship. These types of dates can either be really fun or absolute torture, depending on what you make of it.
Casual dates can be healthy. They can be an escape from the craziness of homework and all else that plagues the typical college student, as well as a way to build what could end up being healthy relationships with the opposite gender, even if they end up being platonic. Casual dating gives people an opportunity to get to know one another better and to connect on a deeper level than just sitting next to one another in class or seeing one another in the student center.
With this said, casual dates can take a turn for the worse if intentions are not made clear from the beginning. Casual dating can cause confusion for both parties involved when the date seems to be taken too seriously by one or too lightly by the other. This can cause unwanted stress and possibly even temptation if not handled in the correct way. For example, one person may hear “casual dating” and think of a “physical only” relationship, whereas the other person has a completely different perspective on the matter. In this case, the relationship can become unhealthy pretty quickly.
In the end, the key to casual dating is simply good communication. It is best to be honest and make intentions known, so that there is no confusion about what the relationship actually is and where each person sees it going.
In the same way, dating for a serious relationship can similarly have both positive and negative aspects.
On the positive end, serious dating eliminates wasted time. It gives intentionality to the relationship and takes away any type of uncertainty that could come with casual dating. This is the type of relationship that is entered into with the hope of marriage (which some of us, i.e. myself, would rather not think about right now). This type of relationship can be beneficial not only for the present, but also for the future. Those who are only interested in “dating for marriage” usually take their time to get to know someone on a platonic level before they jump into a dating relationship. After this, they pursue a dating relationship as an opportunity to grow closer to the other person and get to know them on a deeper level, This can be more fun in the long run, because you are making memories with the possibility of a lifetime together. In addition, it adds an element of stability and security to the relationship that casual dating does not have.
However, like casual dating, it is essential in a serious relationship to make intentions clear. Dating for a serious relationship takes significantly more commitment and time than casual dating, and if intentions are not made clear the relationship may feel like wasted time in the end.
A good policy to go by is just to be honest about where you see the relationship going, so as to avoid heartache and unnecessary conflict. Serious dating takes investment and time to get to know the other person the best that you possibly can. While it takes significantly more work, it can definitely be worth it in the future.
Ultimately, both casual dating and serious dating can be beneficial or detrimental depending on how the situation is handled. The goal in entering the dating world is to enjoy yourself, but to also get to know the other person. Dating doesn’t have to be annoying or dreadful; in fact, it can be an opportunity to get to know someone better that you might actually have serious feelings for.
My advice? (1) Stick to your standards and go into the date with your own expectations in place, (2) Know how to communicate those expectations to the other person, (3) be open the other person’s perspective and thoughts and (4) don’t take yourself too seriously. You never know, anything could happen.
By Camryn Reeves, staff writer
