Sven feebly tries to claw his way out from the remains of his demolished cottage, but he’s been trapped under the main support beam. Hearty, maniacal laughter mixes in with the roar of the flames engulfing his village and the screams of his wife as she’s carried off by viking raiders. Sven pushes with all his might against the length of oak standing between him and retribution, but it’s no use. Sven doesn’t save the damsel, thwart the bad guys or ride off into the sunset, because he’s got pecs that would look malnourished anywhere outside of a Zumba class. Sven should’ve done more bench press.
Bench press is a member of the tetrarchy of manly exercises (squat, bench, dead-lift, overhead press) and contrary to the musings of panty-waists, should not be ignored. It’s the king of upper body pushing movements. However, for it to turn the garden variety gym rat into pec-tacular behemoth, it has to be done right. There are four steps to achieving a good bench press.
Step one, arch your back and squeeze your shoulder blades together. When setting up, these are both done at the same time. When I say, arch your back, I don’t mean pick your butt up off the bench though. This, along with almost everything else, helps create a stable base. Contracting the muscles this way helps create tension in your upper body, making the lifter more solid and less likely to shake or press the bar up unevenly. Also, arching your back means less distance to bring the bar down to your chest. People with a big Santa Claus belly will find this especially advantageous.
Step two, dig the balls of your feet into the ground. I was once told that doing this would give me a hernia. Even if it did (which it won’t), at least I won’t sprout a cupcake shaped tramp-stamp and be overcome with the urge to go frolic across Equestria with the multi colored friendship ponies. That’s only one of many undesirable side effects of bench pressing with your legs flailing around like the Lord of the Dance, but there are more, and they get much worse. Digging the balls of your feet into the ground will stabilize the lower body, providing a rock hard foundation from which to push up on the bar with your arms. This will also help anyone entering into a powerlifting meet or other competition where unnecessary movement is forbidden once the bar has been unracked.
Step three, tear the bar in half. Anyone who can literally tear a steel bar in half probably has ice giants they should be off fighting, and will not get much benefit out of this article. What I mean by this is to pull outwards on the bar once you’ve unracked it. This creates a crazy amount of tension in the chest, and will help a lot when pressing the bar back up.
Step four, touch just below the chest. When bringing the bar down, you should aim for the bottom of the rib cage, or just below the nipples. Combine this with the arch you should have in your back and you’ll have nowhere near as far to bring the bar down. Some would say that this is cheating, but those people are most likely of French ancestry. Once you’ve arched your back, bringing the bar low will feel natural. And it should, because it’s the right way to do it.
With a good workout program, bench pressing with good technique will do wonders for your chest, shoulders, triceps and strength levels. Women will be falling at your feet just from looking at you, and aforementioned nefarious vikings will be falling at your feet from the blunt trauma you’ll be able to inflict with your newfound man-strength.
The Command BROst is a weekly blog by staff writer Noah Hutchinson.
