For most little girls, softball is a brief phase that ends as soon as the next big thing comes along, but for Aspen Grams it is more than a game. “It’s in her blood,” said her father, Rory Grams.
Aspen Grams, who has been playing ball as long as she can remember, is now a freshman mass communications major and a member of the softball team.
Grams has been playing softball “since she could walk,” she said. “I’ve been around it my whole life.”
This is not surprising since both her parents played the sport. “My mom played and my dad coached for her, so they brought me up on the softball field and taught me how to play.” Her mom, Katherine, said. “She was in the dugout while I played and her dad coached. She always yelled ‘Go ladies!’”
You could definitely say that her family has had a profound impact on Grams’ love of softball, that’s why it’s no surprise that a family tragedy would change the way she feels each time she steps onto the field.
Nine months ago, Grams’ 13-year-old brother died in a motocross accident just weeks after her high school graduation
Forrest Grams was Aspen’s only sibling, and was equally involved in sports as the rest of the family, playing everything from golf, to football, to motocross. “His favorite sport was motocross. He put all his time into it,” said Aspen.
On June 7, 2007, Aspen came home from work to the sound of ambulance sirens in her neighborhood to discover they were there for her brother who died in what she calls a “freak accident.”
“We don’t know exactly how he died because no one was out with him,” she said. Investigators believe he landed a jump head-first, causing severe head injuries. “Nothing else was hurt and his helmet wasn’t scratched or dented or anything,” Aspen said.
This led her to believe that it must have been his time. “God took him, it was his time to go because there’s no other way it could’ve happened with that kind of wreck,” she said.
“All her Christian influences have helped her out a lot. Since Forrest died, the support group at church has helped her,” said her dad. “Her strong family values have helped her get through adversity. I know that God is a big part of it. She knows that when she puts Him first everything follows behind it,” added her mom
Upon first hearing the news of what happened to her brother, Aspen was in disbelief. “I thought he was faking. I was laughing!” she said, “I was just like, this is not real; there’s no way.”
“When I got through the cars and got to where he was and saw his eyes just looking blankly up at the sky and when the paramedics are over there jumping him with the cables, and trying to get his breathing back and my mom’s over there screaming, that was when it hit,” she said. “It was awful.”
The most painful thing about it was “going home to a quiet house, that’s the worst thing,” Aspen said.
Aspen’s coach at Ouachita thinks her brother’s death has deepened Aspen’s faith. “ It has made her realize how short life truly is. Plus, I feel it made her a more spiritual person,” Mike McGhee said.
Forrest’s death had a deep impact on her desire to play softball, the sport that she has loved since childhood. “It made me not want to do it anymore,” she said. “Everything that you like becomes what you hate. He was at every championship game that I was in. He was there in the same stadium watching me play the same position, and after [his death] I was like, I don’t want to play it anymore.”
Within a few days, the game she loved so much became a symbol of sorrow, full of tearful memories. Under the encouragement of her father, Aspen competed in the state senior all-star game, just 13 days after his death, in the same stadium where her brother watched her play so many times before.
Even though she still loves the game, it has become frustrating. “It’s hard to go out there and play and I get frustrated really easily anyway if I don’t do good, and my level of playing hasn’t been up to par since he died.”
Despite the inner pain she faces every time she takes to the field, her commitment to her family, her team and the game that has become a part of her soul, keeps strong her desire to play as best as she can. “It’s like there’s a lot of baggage put on the sport that I don’t want,” she said. But she added, “I’m big on keeping commitments.”
Her coach can sense the struggle she faces, but knows that deep down she still loves the sport. “She loves the game of softball as much as any girl on this team and that’s what is making it hard for her right now because she wants to be on the field for every play and every inning,” McGhee said.
Aspen describes herself as the type of person who keeps her emotions on the inside. “I didn’t cry at the funeral. It took me a long time to cry. I don’t cry easily and I hold in my emotions a lot. It took me at least a month to get to where I just sat there and cried, but there was always that feeling of loss and depression.”
Since her brother’s death, Aspen has pressure from all angles, not only to play ball, but to be the support for her parents, who are now empty nesters.
“After he died, people would tell me, ‘You have to be the strong one for your parents,’” she said.
A sense of obligation to the people around her is keeping her in softball for now, even though it’s tough.
“It’s really frustrating this year because I know that I can play better than I am,” she said.
Rory Grams said his daughter has a tendency to respond well to pressure, one of her many traits of which he is the most proud. “[There are] situations that we always like her to be in where there are people on base with two outs with two strikes and she comes through and gets the job done. There are times when she had the chance to be the hero or the goat and more times than not she came through as the hero. It developed her mental toughness, which she desperately needs right now,” he said.
Her parents are both very proud of Aspen’s talent as well. “I’m proud every time she gets out there and plays,” said her mom.
“When she was in the state championship game against Bryant and she got the last three outs herself to secure the win, that was my favorite,” added her dad.
Her coach has noticed the effect on her game and her attitude. “She has the potential to be as good as anybody that’s ever played at Ouachita. I truly think Aspen is torn between the team and her family at this moment. Every freshman goes through growing pains and adjusting to college softball. She was expecting to come in here and hit .300 and earn an every day starting spot, and that has not all happened yet,” McGhee said.
McGhee believes one reason she keeps playing is “for her brother because when she is on the field she still has that feeling of a connection to her brother — that he is watching,” he said.
Aspen’s decision to keep playing is not one she regrets, which is shown through her love and appreciation for her team at Ouachita.
“The softball team is my support group,” she said. “Without that, I don’t know if I would have a good foundation here. I definitely would not be the person I am now if I was not playing softball, and I don’t think that I would be able to have the relationships I have with people at this school if I was not an athlete here.”
Grams’ commitment to the team is something her brother would be very proud of.
“I don’t intend on quitting any time soon,” Aspen said. “I’ll stick with the team and play to the best of my ability. I think he’d be proud that I’m sticking with it.”
She intends to do just that.
“I’m just here to play softball,” she said
